Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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