What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
