How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
