just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
