ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
