I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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