Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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