the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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