so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
