you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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