walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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