I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
