cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Randomize
