Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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