Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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