I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize