I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
