i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
