I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
