no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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