man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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