his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
