just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
