peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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