watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize