I want to walk on stilts...naked
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
