Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
