I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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