when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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