im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
