A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
