I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
