Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
