I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
