i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
