my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
