he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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