he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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