We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
