it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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