ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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