Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize