I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize