The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize