guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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