i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
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