Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Randomize
