Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
