I can text with my tongue
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
