Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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