My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
