After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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