MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
