best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
