when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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