last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
