Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize