my phone needs a breathalizer
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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