God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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