WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
