The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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