Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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