Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
