Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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