Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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