i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
