The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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