the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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