i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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