just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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