yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
