Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
