My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
