in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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