Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is the high leading the old right now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
