I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
