There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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