My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You can't just leave with hair like that
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
