FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
