I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
