I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
