I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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